The Challenge of Demanding Excellence

This post considers several vectors of truth at a man’s disposal that could be used as vehicles towards instructing and nurturing his significant other in the ways of righteous living.

Targeted Readership: All

Solid science, logical analysis, personal testimony, the Red Pill, and Biblical truth have been allies in the fight against falsehood and deception. But the spiritual forces of darkness (i.e. feminism) always stand in opposition to these pillars of truth.

This post examines each of these vectors of truth, and considers the challenges involved with each one.

The Problem

My wife has a moderate amount of feminist value conditioning, which I have generally accepted as being rather normal and common for women these days. As such, I frequently have to face some of her subconscious false value systems, and fundamental errors of attribution, as well as a good deal of faulty logic (a common characteristic of the female sex, according to men’s general opinion).

I know I have to reeducate her with some beliefs that are more conducive to marital happiness and spiritual obedience. I’ve often done this through a technique described in a previous guest post by J.T. Anderson, called, Moulding an Excellent Wife (March 5, 2018). Before J.T. wrote this up, I was aware of the power of psychological association, and operant conditioning, and I utilized these concepts in a continual effort to cleanse my wife from impertinent attitudes, belligerent, pernicious dispositions, general presumptuousness, and ingratitude (which unfortunately have become par for the course in 21st century men’s relational dynamics with women). J. T.’s article has added some elements of structure and refinement to this approach, which has further challenged me to be more conscientiously diligent about enacting this process.

But this is not as simple as it might seem. People have a complex nature, and there are many areas of life in which truth needs to be rectified.

Science and Logic

In college, I took some introductory classes in philosophy, psychology, sociology, political science, etc. I was bored out of my wits by most of these topics, but extremely fascinated with some small pockets, such as logic, learning, pathology, genealogy… As I’ve grown older, I’ve discovered more of the usefulness of these topics, as they pertain to my personal life, and this has renewed some independent study in certain areas.

Science and logic have a premium value among men, but it loses its luster with females. So I don’t usually address these topics in conversation with my wife. However, I do spend a good deal of time and energy in studying the various principles and research findings of sociology and psychology, and experimenting with applying those principles in my marriage. Many of my posts cover lessons in sociology and psychology that I’ve learned in life, and these posts contain the details of my experiences. A few include the following.

Scriptural Truths

Whenever I present my wife with scripture, or Bible based teachings, it comes across as trite and mundane. I know this is because Christian doctrine is revered to the point of seeming predictable. There is an ambivalence that has grown out of an overexposure to the ideas, combined with a lack of real inspiration, and the ‘feelz good’ assurance of ‘Churchian’ culture. I often have to come at this from a ‘Devil’s Advocate’ perspective, before I can illustrate the value of the Truths contained in the Bible. I also have to describe the choices, spell out the consequences, and get her to think more deeply about what is going on.

J.T. Anderson has stated that, because of its ineffectiveness, he has given up on having regular devotionals within his home. I can understand his sentiments, however, I still feel there needs to be a regular ‘talk time’ for a couple, in which issues can be raised and discussed in a casual manner. It is also helpful to have a topic ready to open the discussion. If devotionals cannot be used to this end, then a man might try to find other types of ‘friendly’ conversation openers which have a poignant relevancy.

One approach I’ve found helpful to this end is in picking out articles which I feel tend to cut to the heart of the issues in recent contention. I browse a lot of articles online, and I often find one that I feel is ‘from God’. I just print it out, or email the link to my wife, and ask her to read it. She has gotten into the habit of doing the same for me. After we both read the articles, we discuss the issues, and I make a point of delineating many of what I feel are practical applications of the truths therein.

One very helpful tool in particular has been Oswald Chambers devotional, My Utmost For His Highest, which has been a trusted devotional for about a hundred years now.

Red Pill Truths

Whenever I present my wife with Red Pill literature, taken mostly from Manosphere blogs, and which typically describe concepts like hypergamy, the feminine imperative, the 80/20 rule, etc., her typical response is something to the tune of,

“Of course! Why are men so obtuse that this stuff seems so novel and mysterious to them?”

Then she goes to great effort to point out how the Red Pill perspective, although true, is degrading to women. Henceforth comes the ‘misogynous’ label, and her general annoyance of the subject. It really is rare for a woman to embrace Red Pill truth, and it is difficult to convince a woman to be accepting of it.

Personal Testimony

No matter what happens in life, I always have the opportunity to reframe it, and put my own spin on it. A lot of this rests on my own habits and characteristics.

  1. Developing my own character. More easily said than done.
  2. Developing the right attitude is crucial, but there is the added challenge of teaching those same good attitudes to my wife.
  3. Having a firm grasp of the Truth. I can’t preach truth if I don’t know it myself.
  4. Speaking with confidence and authenticity. This carries a lot of import with a woman.
  5. Living in the moment. I have to stay tuned into reality, and make each moment count.
  6. I need to have a game strategy in mind, and keep my Game tight.
  7. I have to discern what is truly my own sh!t, and what is her own projection of me.
  8. I have to own my responsibility to offer direction and take charge of any situation, even when she resists my attempts.
  9. I have to be open and willing to share my own experiences with her, and make it relevant to the case at hand. (Adding a little dramatic flair to my story always sets her tingles aglow.)
  10. I have to watch what I say. Especially, I should not say anything that might create more difficulties in either my duties or her expectations.

In summary, I believe my own testimony is the one differentiating factor that makes all the other vectors of truth relevant to her. As J.T. pointed out in the aforementioned piece, this is the one tool that brings the truth to life.

Social Truths

Another thing about Feminism that appeals strongly to women is the idea of a ‘female friendly’ community. I suppose this appeals to them at least as much as an ‘all men’s space’ appeals to men. Feminism and ‘mens spaces’ are both known for spouting angst and bitterness, but we cannot underestimate or discount the positive influence that social interaction brings to people, and this is even more important for a married couple.

An article from Gallup Polls, by James Harter and Raksha Arora, Social Time Crucial to Daily Emotional Well-Being in U.S. (June 5, 2008), describes the positive effects that social interaction has on a persons happiness and sense of well-being.

“The days of the year when the majority of Americans experience enjoyment/happiness also tend to be days that they report spending more time with friends and family. Certainly, the additional time spent socializing accounts for a large part of the weekend effect, as the average amount of time Americans are spending socializing rises from about six hours on weekdays to about eight hours on weekends and public holidays. Americans also express the most enjoyment/happiness during holidays and special events, including Easter Sunday (when 65% of Americans expressed enjoyment/happiness), New Year’s Day, and Super Bowl Sunday.”

In the past, regular church attendance filled this need for fellowship. But these days, complementary Churchianity has tainted both the instruction and the social interaction, such that church introduces and enforces concepts which actually work against the marital relationship. One approach may be to go ‘church shopping’ in order to acquire teaching and fellowship that is less toxic. If one cannot find an appropriate church to make up for this shortcoming, the fundamental elements of what church used to offer need to be proactively included within the daily marriage life.

I believe the primary purposes of church include: (1) Biblical teaching and exhortation, (2) Christian fellowship and accountability, (3) Opportunities to experience the glory of God, and (4) Worshipping the Lord in Spirit and in Truth.

Along this loose definition of church, I believe that a healthy, Christian marriage can (and should) be an embodiment, or at least an extension of church. So I try to incorporate these four elements into my relationship with my wife, and I have found that doing so does bring slow improvement over time.

Gunner Q has said (and I paraphrase) that certain blogs are forms of the modern Christian church. I agree with this, in so far as it meets the four conditions described above.

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” ~ Matthew 18:19-20

Whipped Cream on the Lie

Whenever I ponder how to address issues of contention and falsehood within my marriage, what strikes me is that she seems to have the idea, woven throughout her viewpoint, that Feminist inspired ideals are the social gospel designed to liberate humanity from the hardcore, dog-eat-dog facts of the SMP, which are implied to be corrupted by men, and ‘patriarchy’.

In other words, this social ‘gospel’ of Feminism strives to create a ‘better world’ (for solipsistic women).

Right there, because of this claim, I know that it’s a false ‘gospel’, because this world has always been, and still is, corrupted by the Fall, and it is not going to be redeemed short of the Second Coming.

Moreover, the false teachings of Feminism have a natural appeal to the feminine imperative. The philosophies carry a semblance of being true, and this is what establishes it as a de facto cult religion. Women (and many Blue Pilled men as well) get kicks out of the Feminist belief system, largely because their lives seem to correlate with the Feminist narratives. If Feminist viewpoints are interpreted as a form of Psychological Projection, then we can learn a lot about women’s general approach to the SMP.

Whenever I point out certain aspects of hypocrisy in the mismatch between Feminism and ‘equality’ (which is actually equalism, if not outright female dominance), then I get a lot of anger and odd hominids out of her, which is more evidence proving the toxicity of Feminism’s ideologies.

Feminism has really contrived a very attracting and convincing argument in the minds of women. What will it take to wake them up?

Conclusions

  • Demanding excellence from a partner is a complicated, multifaceted endeavor.
  • Feminist values have become standard fare in today’s post modern society, which makes the battle for truth and righteousness more bloody and difficult.
  • Women find it easy to fall prey to Feminism’s lies and deceptive narration.
  • The traditional ‘Churchian’ church cannot be relied on towards improving one’s marital relationship. In order to make up for this shortcoming, the fundamental elements of what church used to offer need to be proactively included within the daily marriage life.
  • It is not enough to point out women’s errors in logic and value judgments. It is not enough to try to condition them out of bad habits and attitudes. They need to be shown a better way to live.
  • Persevering with the teaching and exhortation of truths offered by scripture, science, logic, personal testimony, and the Red Pill, while remaining calm and diligent, all serve to help my wife relax and become open to better ideas – over time.
  • The man’s testimony (e.g. his presence, character, frame, game, confidence, authenticity, experience, and background story) is the single most powerful weapon against deterioration in the arsenal.

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About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Influence, Leadership, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Persuasion, Purpose, Relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to The Challenge of Demanding Excellence

  1. JT Anderson says:

    “Whenever I present my wife with scripture, or Bible based teachings, it comes across as trite and mundane. I know this is because Christian doctrine is revered to the point of seeming predictable. There is an ambivalence that has grown out of an overexposure to the ideas, combined with a lack of real inspiration, and the ‘feelz good’ assurance of ‘Churchian’ culture.”

    Well said. I think you nailed the fundamental problem of contemporary bible teaching. An old quote I read by a writer named William Bernbach I think points to the needed solution. (Paraphrased to apply to the situation at hand):

    The most powerful element in teaching is the truth.
    The truth is ineffective unless she believes you.
    She can’t believe you if she doesn’t understand what you’re saying.
    She can’t understand what you’re saying if she doesn’t listen to you.
    She won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting.
    You won’t be interesting unless you say things imaginatively, originally, and freshly.

    The husband’s job is to bring the stale truth to life.

    This doesn’t mean every man needs to be a wordsmith or extraordinarily clever. But the truth should be animated… as if it’s sincerely coming from your own thoughts, interests, and observations rather than regurgitating the same lifeless theological dogmas.

    In short: Don’t be afraid to inject your personality, experiences, and humor into the process!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Moulding an Excellent Wife | Σ Frame

  3. SFC Ton says:

    A man needs to read two books to learn how to master women and kids.

    The Art of Raising a Puppy

    How To Be Your Dog’s Best Friend

    Both are written by the Monks of New Skete.

    That, and understand that women and children are to be mastered, and both are happier and healthier when they aren’t the focus of your life.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. earl says:

    ‘Feminism has really contrived a very attracting and convincing argument in the minds of women. What will it take to wake them up?’

    The could start with Eucharistic and/or Marian devotion. Nothing impales lies and falsehoods better than willingly taking up those devotionals.

    Feminism has the semblence of a lot of power right now… but the day will come when the house of cards comes down. Better to be the woman that got out from feminism now, never got in to begin with, or was on the ground floor of how her sexuality role really works.

    Liked by 1 person

    • earl says:

      The first suggestion is something a woman can willingly do.

      My next one as men we have to defend the truth and be the spiritual heads of the marriage/family….don’t fall for the equality lie. If she’s talking about playing stupid games, tell her what the stupid prizes are. Don’t compromise when it comes to matters of sin. Have the word ‘no’ in your vocabulary and don’t be afraid to use it. The all important love women want is not some ‘good feelz’ thing all the time…it’s about a man caring enough about his bride that he doesn’t let her fall into the pit if she gets the tingles for it. They crave discipline, they crave boundaries, and they crave that their man has a backbone.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ame says:

    “No matter what happens in life, I always have the opportunity to reframe it, and put my own spin on it.”

    Yes. I’ve tried to teach this to my daughters, and I think I’ve been successful (as they’re old enough now to turn it back on me when i need it 😉 ).

    Liked by 2 people

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