Some Advice to Young People looking to Date or Marry

The Fundamental Idea of Marriage

Marriage was designed by God to be a real-world human relationship between a man and a woman which conforms to the archetypical relationship between God and mankind. Any relationship which does not conform to this archetype, is destined to be, at best, frustrating and unhappy, or at worst, doomed to failure.

Courtship and dating are the natural processes of exploring our personality, temperament, and unique emotional needs, and discovering what kind of person suits us best. It is also the process of learning these same qualities in members of the opposite sex.

The grand end goal (for many) is to eventually arrive in a state of marriage, which may indeed have its own struggles and sacrifices, but offers many vital benefits, which overall, are intended to be a much better alternative than remaining single. A few of these benefits include.

  • A vehicle of spiritual growth and maturity.
  • A safe, reliable and respectable avenue of sexual expression.
  • Financial stability and growth.
  • Having a “home base” where you can relax and be yourself.
  • The joy of having a family and leaving a legacy.
  • Having a constant and reliable companion, friend and helper.
  • Someone who challenges and inspires you each day, to become a better person.

Have a Serious Mindset about Honor, Love, Sex, and Marriage

Men are the gatekeepers of commitment, which means, the woman has a greater need for love and security, and so she is always eager and open to the idea of commitment, and all the associated benefits, such as financial and material provisions. But a commitment doesn’t happen until the man decides on it. To men, marriage is a huge sacrifice which requires their time, money and emotional effort, and it severely limits his personal liberties and many other opportunities in life, so a man is not likely to choose marriage unless he sees it as a good investment. To women, marriage is more or less a benefit, because it gives them a home, social security and financial stability.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex, which means, the man has a more immiment need for sexual expression, and so he is usually always eager and open to the idea of having sex. But sex doesn’t happen until the woman decides on it. To women, sex is a sacrificial act of trust and vulnerability which changes her social standing and her emotional life forever. So a woman is very hesitant to offer sex unless she is very certain that making this sacrifice will make her life infinitely better.

Men and women who are more willing to offer commitment or sex, respectively, make themselves more competitive in attracting the mate of their choice. That is, those members of the opposite sex are generally more interested in those potential mates who readily offer them what they want out of the relationship. Men and women who are hesitant to offer commitment, and/0r who are too reserved about sex, respectively, are often passed over in favor of another person who is more willing to give of themselves to the others interests in establishing a meaningful connection. However, once a commitment and/or sexual liaison is established, they become much less competitive, because others tend to see them as “taken”, or in other words, “removed from the marketplace”. Also, men and women are more attracted to others who have never had sex, or never been married, respectively. So the choice to marry or have sex is a very powerful one, but it is also a huge sacrifice because it has great risks. Therefore, this choice should be reserved for those who are mature enough to take such risks and be wise about it.

Human nature has shown that men are attracted to a women who respects them, and they often grow to love the woman they have sex with, while women are usually only willing to have sex with a man who makes them feel loved. Since love, honor, and sex have a reciprocal nature between the sexes, marriage is a very powerful way to bestow honor upon a passionate, loving sexual relationship, or to get one started. Love, honor, marriage, and sex (and quite probably children) should all go hand-in-hand. If you try to pick out one or two, but neglect or try to avoid the others, you will have trouble. If you try to use one to gain the other, you are taking a huge risk which is best avoided.

Men who quickly and easily give away their time, money, attention, commitment, and/or resources, without a corresponding requirement for honor, respect and/or sex, are called cowards, pussies or betas. Cowards have no faith, nor a glorified sense of purpose in their lives. Pussies are overly eager to sacrifice their own power of choice in favor of giving others whatever they demand, usually because they are lazy, or they are cowards. Betas are pussies with no honor or self respect. All of these types are  generally hated because they denigrate the masculine archetype, and they spoil women’s selfish desires, thereby giving those women a way to escape the maturation process – something that would make them worthy of a man’s commitment.

Women who quickly and easily give away sex, without a corresponding requirement for love and commitment, are colloquially termed sluts or whores. Sluts generally have no sense of honor or self respect, and they are hated by others because they dominate the competition by making excessive sacrifices which lowers the overall value of sex and destroys the sexual marketplace economy.

Social demographics data shows some fascinating evidence on how a higher sex-partner-count predicts an unstable marriage. However, we cannot swiftly conclude that correlation equals causality. People with high partner-counts probably lack the social values, emotional maturity and positive attitude that lead to a good marriage in the first place.

Marriage minded men are hesitant, or at least, should be hesitant, to marry a younger woman who is not close to being virginal. This is because a woman’s sexual history carries so much emotional baggage that is impossible to erase, and almost impossible to deal with. Also, men find it very difficult to totally thrill a woman who has been thrilled many times before, with many other men. Most women don’t realize that their virginity is the most valuable asset they have towards obtaining a happy marriage, and the best gift they could possibly give their husbands.

Marriage minded men are also hesitant, or at least, should be hesitant, to marry a woman who thinks marriage is all about love. This is because a lot of women’s ideas about love is all in their heads. Love is the eternal, ineffable quality that is hard to find and hard to replicate. Women often expect men to produce this experience in their lives, usually through marriage, but in vain, because men are logical, practical and goal-oriented. On the other hand, if a woman can figure out how to offer a balance of love and respect to a man, he may melt and become putty in her hand.

Most men fail to realize the grand intensity of the mark they leave on a woman’s life, especially women they have sex with, even just once. Having sex with a woman, and not following through with a marital commitment, robs her of the dignity her sacrifice deserves and simultaneously transforms her into a slut. If this trend continues, it sends her down the road towards becoming a cougar or cat lady.

Most women fail to realize how easy it is for a man to fall in love with a woman he has sex with. Women don’t realize this, because everywhere they look, they see men dumping the women they have sex with. Men do not reject women because they have sex, or have it too soon, but rather because she doesn’t carry a sense of passion, dignity and self respect in the act of sex. But even if the sex is good, then men might still reject a woman they have sex with, because the woman is too immature, selfish, demanding, disrespectful, and cannot contribute anything to the relationship. On the other hand, if the woman is happy, mature, respectful, reasonably attractive, and offering sex, then a man has little reason to reject a woman, unless it is in favor of a better woman. Thus, as we mentioned before, men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

The Unique Nature, Roles and Needs of Men and Women

Young women should get used to the idea of men being overly focused on the physical appearance of the woman in his life. Men want to have a woman who is HOT! Aside from the obvious factor of sexual attraction, men think this way partly because the inside qualities of a woman usually get better over time, but the outside always declines with age. Also, according to my experience, the quality of the inside is usually not too different from the quality of the outside, aside from a few rare exceptions.

Women, instead of arguing and fighting against this part of human nature, it would be easier and wiser to work it to your advantage. Being attractive is not too hard to do. Stay slim and fit. Let you hair grow long and beautiful, and keep it clean and maintained. Dress with a balance of self-respect and sexiness, and always remember to wear clothes that enhance your natural body shape, and to choose colors that bring out your personality.

Being an attractive lady will also bring you lots of social attention, and that will require you to exercise personal boundaries, to think rationally in making decisions, and to learn how to deal with social pressures, all of which will hopefully lead to your emotional and spiritual maturity.

You should always stay positive, rely on setting appropriate boundaries and keep a healthy sense of self-esteem. People will respect you as much as you respect yourself, and the men will definitely notice you. A good past, and a high level of emotional/spiritual maturity, are the best things you can bring into a relationship with a man.

Men should get used to the way women are always “playing games”, estimating and often testing men on various measures of being an ideal mate. Women want to have a man whom they feel proud to be with! Women think this way because they are unable to meet many of their own needs, and they look to a man to fulfill their lives. A woman’s whole life will fall apart if the man she depends on is not up to the task. She needs a man who will fulfill her sense of honor, and not make her feel like a shameful beggar.

Men, instead of complaining or trying to circumvent this fact of life, it would be better to work it to your advantage. Instead of relying on “being nice”, or trying lines, tricks or stunts to impress a woman, you should be focusing on your own self-development, and making yourself a better man. Get active in various interests and activities, and pursue your own dreams. After a time, women will notice that you have a life, and they’ll come running after you.

In summary, I encourage you to spend a little time to understand the nature of males and females, and God’s design for us as human beings. I truly believe that if you submit to God’s ordained order, then you will find the happiness from a relationship that you so innately desire.


Dalrock: How should women respond to men withdrawing from courtship?

About Jack

Jack is a world traveling artist, skilled in trading ideas and information, none of which are considered too holy, too nerdy, nor too profane to hijack and twist into useful fashion. Sigma Frame Mindsets and methods for building and maintaining a masculine Frame
This entry was posted in Choosing a Partner or Spouse, Maturity, Personal Growth and Development, Organization and Structure and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Some Advice to Young People looking to Date or Marry

  1. Pingback: Conflict Structure and Marital Satisfaction | Σ Frame

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